You know, I used to fantasize about being swept up into some fantasy world with floating clouds and colorful wind, especially before a difficult test or a potentially embarrassing situation. When I was little I believed that my mysterious neighbors had a secret portal to another world. Turns out all the funny smells and the weird noises came from their meth lab in the basement. Yeah we didn’t stay in that neighborhood for too long. But the point is that I always imagined it, hoped for it, longed for it at times. Even though my imagination went wild and detailed, in the end I was always stuck on earth, in reality, forced to face whatever it was I didn’t want deal with.
So I guess you could call it irony that I was doing something mundane as sipping coffee at Starbucks when I pass out suddenly and then wake up in an unfamiliar place with a giant cat the size of an SUV staring down at me.
The cat was purring; it sounded like my dad’s 1965 Mustang when it hits the highway.
I lay still for a good minute, staring back at the ginormous cat with the golden eyes. A lot of thoughts passed through my brain, they were mostly images of other giant casts like the purple one from Alice in Wonderland, the bus cat from Totoro, Mufasa and Scar from the Lion King, and the entire cast of “Cats” the musical. Then I thought about the tiger that escaped from the San Francisco Zoo. That was when I got finally got nervous.
I guess I sorted of twitched when I envisioned the cat pouncing on me and swallowing me head first because the cat blinked and spoke.
Yeah, spoke.
Yeah words came out of the giant cat. The cat doesn’t even have lips.
“How long do you plan on lying there? Time, unfortunately, is not our ally.”
It had an Irish accent.
I tried to say something, a question or maybe even an answer to its question, but all that came out of me was some sort of gargling noise from my throat. I guess I was still in shock.
The cat gave a long yawn that showed me its large, pointy, sharp, intimidating, deathly teeth. That did not help me get over my shock, so I still just stayed where I was, unmoving and silent.
“Lucky me, you’re an intelligent one. Sit up, say something, why are you such a pussy?”
“What?”
Finally, something coherent came out of me. I also sat up. You have to understand my indignation, the cat called me a pussy. The CAT called ME a PUSSY!
“Talk about the kettle calling the pot black. Give me a break, you’re a giant speaking orange cat. Excuse me if I’m in a bit of a shock. And where am I? What is this?”
I finally looked around. I was sitting on soft grass and all around me was green grass. The sky was blue with white fluffy clouds that moved. In the far distance in front of me were what I can only describe as rolling hills. To my left, a few hundred yards away, was a swaying willow tree. I felt like I was in The Chronicles of Narnia or the Lord of the Rings or any other movie that was shot in New Zealand.
“My, my, so you are capable of intelligent speech. That’s a relief. Now stand up, we must get going. Like I said, time is not our ally.” The cat turned around and with its long striped tail motioned for me to follow.
I didn’t stand up.
“Get going? Get going where? Hey, big kitty, I’m not going anywhere until you explain to me what’s going on. I was just at Starbucks and now I’m in the Shire or something. I think I deserve some explanation, especially of who, what you are.”
The cat slowly turned his head towards me and looked me up and down. For a second it looked as if it was contemplating on whether or not to pick me up and carry me to where it wanted to go. Lucky for me and my dignity it ended up just letting out a sigh and sat down right in front of me.
“I’m a cat.”
“Way to go Captain Obvious, I thought you were just horse.”
“Snarky aren’t you?” The cat licked his nose before he continued. “My name is Roy, it’s a pleasure, somewhat. You’re in the Windy Plains in the province of Tokora which belongs to the country of Gerbilia on the continent Tonks on the planet Zoriab in the Circinus Galaxy. It is early in the morning, time of the second moon. You’re going to come with me so we can steal the Feather of Noir before the Rat Pirates get their grubby paws on them”
Right when Roy, the giant cat, mentioned the Rat Pirates he scowled and flicked his tail. I just blinked. That was a whole lot of information. Really, all those funky names and then the Rat Pirates at the end. If he wasn’t a giant orange cat, I would have told him to stop joking around. But he was a giant orange cat so I believed him. Hey, if he had told me my Aunt Janice was a walrus and she was doing the Tango with Michael Jackson in Hong Kong I would have believed him.
Roy was looking at me expectantly so I assumed he was done explaining. By then I felt like I had full bodily control so I crossed my arms.
“You didn’t explain how I got here and why. I won’t get up until you tell me at least that.”
Roy shrugged and before I tell you what he said, have you ever seen a cat shrug? It’s a really interesting concept.
“Because it is your destiny. And you’re the only creature that’s small enough to get into the Castle of Pinkfoot but big enough to pick up the Feather of Noir. Does that satisfy you my pale, furless friend? We really must get going. We must get to the castle before the sixth moon peaks or the place will be swarming with those rats. Oh, and as to how you came you were pulled here.”
“Actually, that was hardly satisfying. You didn’t explain anything. But you know what, I’m going to get up and go with you. Let’s go get this Feather of Nuah. Why not? I don’t think I’m going to get any coherent answers from your big furry mouth.”
“Magnificent. Now, as much as this brings me much displeasure to do this, but I believe it would be much more efficient if you rode on my back than walking on those twigs you call legs. And it’s Noir, not Nuah.”
“That’s what I said. Nuah.” I climbed on Roy’s back, using his large ears to hoist me up.
“No, Noir. Really, have some respect for the sacred feather.”
Roy stretched and I frantically grabbed on to his fur so I wouldn’t fall off. He started off with a trot but it wasn’t long before he was bursting with speed, leaving behind a trail of rippling grass behind him.
Have you ever written a giant orange cat named that runs as fast as a horse? It’s amazing. And it was the feeling of the wind rush past me, the softness of Roy’s fur in my hands, and the steady rhythm of Roy’s breath and his paws hitting the ground that I realized, this is so real.
So very real.
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