Hello Jesus - its been awhile

[this is a work of fiction. it is called creative writing.]


Hello Jesus, its been awhile.

I know I said I wouldn't talk to you but I can't help myself. The other day I felt you. It took me rather by surprise because I felt like I had settled in well to my new life. I knew right away it was you, your presence is hard to forget. Forgive me that I didn't stop to say Hi. It was a little uncomfortable.

Not that your presence wasn't comforting or pleasurable or anything. I don't think I could ever say that. You presence as it had always been was loving. But it brought back memories of when we were walking together and I didn't like that.

We had a good relationship, no doubting that. When I could feel you, hear you, see you - it was glorious. I had the security that I was enveloped in the everlasting peace of your love. Being with you wasn't the hard part. It was being without you.

See, that's why I broke up with you. When I was with you working, suffering, persevering wasn't difficult. Sometimes, it brought me strange unexplainable joy. When people hurt me or when they hurt you, I could deal with it because you filled me with your love and I was able to use that to love others.

But for all the times when I couldn't feel you there, I couldn't do anything. I didn't have the patience to endure the lashings of the world when I didn't have your strength to back me up. When people hurt me, it was hard to heal and forgive without your love. That's why we broke up. Because I would rather be away from you permanently than feel the temporary painful loss of your presence.

Maybe, without you continually in my life I can learn to push aside the feeling of desperation. Maybe when I live for myself I won't be disappointed in others. That's what I'm hoping for. That's why it ended.

I'm doing well, I really am. At first I found myself at a lost in the weekends, now that I had nothing to do. But as I expected, I quickly found those people I secretly looked down upon who go out and do as they please when Friday night rolls along. It's an interesting experience - living life for my own expense. The people I surround myself with now - they only have the burdens of the world. Their yoke is strange but light.

I wish for you is to have you move on but I know you won't. If you only could, it would be easier for both of us. You love letters have grown dusty on my shelf. I haven't touched them since I last spoke to you.

I suppose this will be the last time I talk to you again. I know you have the whole world in your hands so I won't take anymore of your time.
Send my regards to the other two.

My best,